Waffles for breakfast.

Lo, there sits a bottle of Glen's on my desk. Please Katie, no health plans YET.
Yes yes, oh yay - I sense a massive 'self-overhaul' coming my way, and I KNEW this would happen the day after I announced that I ought to become a chain smoker.

Thirsty, so thirsty... but one cannot be bothered to reach for the tap all the way over to the other side of this box room.

However, the mood today is chipper, which I think translates as 'happy', which is EXACTLY what I am due to good things like marvellous friends and sugar highs. But I don't want to suddenly announce that I'm T-total when there's a massive bottle of vodka aching to be consumed. Besides, I need to be able to drink on Monday so I can have an excuse for crying with my anthropological people for the last time before we all disappear for TOO LONG.

I'm going to miss them just about the same as words can say.
OK, more than words can say.

However, one thing I am DESPERATE to return home for is proper food. I got sick of my terrible cookery skills weeks ago and have been living off rice with kidney beans, oodles of plums and copious amounts of OATS for as long as this whole university business has been going on.
I have even carried out a funeral service for my utensils, now buried in my wardrobe, of all places... due to their sedentary lifestyle.
Food issues have hit a total low this week. Breakfast this morning consisted of:

Someone Else's Opened-for-a-while All-Bran sprinkled on
My Porridge
Someone Else's Raspberry & Cookie Ice cream
Someone Else's Chunky Oven Chips
Someone Else's Shite Oven Chips
My Own Thirty Eight Pence Gone Off Lettuce
Someone Else's Potato Waffles I Intend To Eat Later
BREAKFAST?! Break fast? More like, Die Slow!

I would love to make up for this by informing you all that last night was so much healthier. We were blessed with whiskey, cigars, vodka... my, I even had some cherry beer.

I am now sat in front of my dusty laptop, listening to tacky 90s disco music, thinking about my latest realisation: I am somewhat lacking in generosity.

Last night, Rory was carrying some poker chips and playing cards around in a shite carrier bag. His bag split, and he was all "Oh, oh, I don't want to be carrying this round with me all night!"
I was about to say "Shut the fuck up, why can't you just get a proper bag?" At the same time, I was reminded of myself in Geneva when I carried round a co-op bag for almost the entire week, until Kind Emma offered me a delicious hand-bag to borrow.
Also at the same time that I was thinking about this occasion, Kind Emma chipped in once again and immediately offered to carry Rory's broken bag for him.
"I was hoping someone would say that!" Said Rory.
"OMFG" Thought I.

It didn't even cross my mind that the guy would want his stuff carried for him, and I don't think it ever WOULD cross my mind!
But I made a decision then and there to Be A Good Person From Now On.

About five minutes later, I found a ten pound note on the floor in the beer tent.
I didn't tell anyone. A thought crossed my mind that I should buy drinks for my dear friends, but I thought, nah.

NAH?!

And do you want to know what I spent that tenner on?? A bottle of vodka for MYSELF!
Now, I know we are all supposed to love ourselves for who we really are and all that, even our bad bits... but I'll have to get back to you on the issue of loving the fact that I am a total skank.

This brings me back to a conversation I had with Sam Chappell, which ended with him telling me to "always look out for number one". He gave me a load of reasons as to why, but I've forgotten them now, as I usually forget any points I intend to make to aid any non-existent argument I may be putting forward.

Just like the occasional health kicks/ mood swings/ drug binges that come my way, I do move through the occasional phase of intense generosity - and I am hoping that one may come along soon. If it's going to make an appearance, it will have to come naturally, since (as I have been banging on for most of my life now) nothing I ever do can be forced, otherwise it just comes out all wrong. Just like that Josephides accent I managed to keep up for about five days - which only serves to make me laugh these days (no offense to J.Phides of course, I refer to my own voice here).

No wonder I was jealous of Kind Emma for a short while. No wonder I was jealous of Inspirational Gina for an even longer while...
But now I look up to them both as beautiful examples of what I really could be if I could just let go of... selfish beast within.

Becca: "Katie, your eyes look GREEN today!"

Jeez, with envy?

Just another part of the onion. But at least we have one thing to work with: Honesty.
You guys seriously mean a lot to me! Good morning <3 x