Waffles for breakfast.

Lo, there sits a bottle of Glen's on my desk. Please Katie, no health plans YET.
Yes yes, oh yay - I sense a massive 'self-overhaul' coming my way, and I KNEW this would happen the day after I announced that I ought to become a chain smoker.

Thirsty, so thirsty... but one cannot be bothered to reach for the tap all the way over to the other side of this box room.

However, the mood today is chipper, which I think translates as 'happy', which is EXACTLY what I am due to good things like marvellous friends and sugar highs. But I don't want to suddenly announce that I'm T-total when there's a massive bottle of vodka aching to be consumed. Besides, I need to be able to drink on Monday so I can have an excuse for crying with my anthropological people for the last time before we all disappear for TOO LONG.

I'm going to miss them just about the same as words can say.
OK, more than words can say.

However, one thing I am DESPERATE to return home for is proper food. I got sick of my terrible cookery skills weeks ago and have been living off rice with kidney beans, oodles of plums and copious amounts of OATS for as long as this whole university business has been going on.
I have even carried out a funeral service for my utensils, now buried in my wardrobe, of all places... due to their sedentary lifestyle.
Food issues have hit a total low this week. Breakfast this morning consisted of:

Someone Else's Opened-for-a-while All-Bran sprinkled on
My Porridge
Someone Else's Raspberry & Cookie Ice cream
Someone Else's Chunky Oven Chips
Someone Else's Shite Oven Chips
My Own Thirty Eight Pence Gone Off Lettuce
Someone Else's Potato Waffles I Intend To Eat Later
BREAKFAST?! Break fast? More like, Die Slow!

I would love to make up for this by informing you all that last night was so much healthier. We were blessed with whiskey, cigars, vodka... my, I even had some cherry beer.

I am now sat in front of my dusty laptop, listening to tacky 90s disco music, thinking about my latest realisation: I am somewhat lacking in generosity.

Last night, Rory was carrying some poker chips and playing cards around in a shite carrier bag. His bag split, and he was all "Oh, oh, I don't want to be carrying this round with me all night!"
I was about to say "Shut the fuck up, why can't you just get a proper bag?" At the same time, I was reminded of myself in Geneva when I carried round a co-op bag for almost the entire week, until Kind Emma offered me a delicious hand-bag to borrow.
Also at the same time that I was thinking about this occasion, Kind Emma chipped in once again and immediately offered to carry Rory's broken bag for him.
"I was hoping someone would say that!" Said Rory.
"OMFG" Thought I.

It didn't even cross my mind that the guy would want his stuff carried for him, and I don't think it ever WOULD cross my mind!
But I made a decision then and there to Be A Good Person From Now On.

About five minutes later, I found a ten pound note on the floor in the beer tent.
I didn't tell anyone. A thought crossed my mind that I should buy drinks for my dear friends, but I thought, nah.

NAH?!

And do you want to know what I spent that tenner on?? A bottle of vodka for MYSELF!
Now, I know we are all supposed to love ourselves for who we really are and all that, even our bad bits... but I'll have to get back to you on the issue of loving the fact that I am a total skank.

This brings me back to a conversation I had with Sam Chappell, which ended with him telling me to "always look out for number one". He gave me a load of reasons as to why, but I've forgotten them now, as I usually forget any points I intend to make to aid any non-existent argument I may be putting forward.

Just like the occasional health kicks/ mood swings/ drug binges that come my way, I do move through the occasional phase of intense generosity - and I am hoping that one may come along soon. If it's going to make an appearance, it will have to come naturally, since (as I have been banging on for most of my life now) nothing I ever do can be forced, otherwise it just comes out all wrong. Just like that Josephides accent I managed to keep up for about five days - which only serves to make me laugh these days (no offense to J.Phides of course, I refer to my own voice here).

No wonder I was jealous of Kind Emma for a short while. No wonder I was jealous of Inspirational Gina for an even longer while...
But now I look up to them both as beautiful examples of what I really could be if I could just let go of... selfish beast within.

Becca: "Katie, your eyes look GREEN today!"

Jeez, with envy?

Just another part of the onion. But at least we have one thing to work with: Honesty.
You guys seriously mean a lot to me! Good morning <3 x

Chestnut Seven, Ground Floor, Room 11.

Philippa and Julie and Jess and Laura and Donagh and Two Unidentifiable Girls were taking photos outside of my window because Philippa is leaving tomorrow morning so I stuck my head out of my window and yelled

"HEY, I HAVE BEEN A MAJOR PART OF THIS FLAT ALL YEAR"

I have been a part of this flat for about three weeks at the start of semester 1 actually, but because I love them all dearly and will miss them terribly I was NOT going to miss out on cheesy photo time even though I was make-upless and shiny as a patent shoe (despite new 'non-greasy' suncream, which IS better than The One I Shall Not Name so: complaint not).

But I'm serious, I am going to miss them, and currently feel like shedding a tear for the brief encounters I have had with these fine specimens in the kitchen or on the way to the bog.

In fact, I love every single person in Chestnut 7, & I have been blessed with the fact that my key card let me in to all the floors, even though this got me accused of many thieving activities by the crazy but marvellous boys from the 1st floor, who actually ended up stealing MY green washing up brush.

Movies/Singstar with the top floor, Nadine's fag breaks and the time that guy pissed against my window also wonderful.

Ah, I'm so glad I moved to Ireland. It's been such a top year - even beats that year I worked at Shoe Zone.

Would I live in halls again? NO.

I am an onion.

You know the way so many people have some degree of emotional problems they don't know how to deal with... and the way they cover the problems up is by layering a million defense layers over them like the layers of an onion?

I am such a frigging onion.

One day I hope to attend one of those sessions I have read so much about where your onion layers get peeled down until you're all fresh and clean and happy and ready to love again.

Must. Learn. To. Accept. Self. As. Not. Everyone. Is. Meant. To. Be. A. Rake.
Stop being so scared of humiliation, because if you're not prepared to take the risk of a let down then you may NEVER KNOW what might have happened and you may be LONELY for a very long time.
Also, you may end up with a complete prick who has complete control over you because you never had the courage to lead and instead you chose to be led.

In fact, I am such an onion I can't see through my layers to even have the slightest idea why I am so afraid of... men?

Well, the advice of tonight is that if you like someone you should tell them. If I had done this three years ago I might have been happily married, sat in some pub in Huddersfield not bothering to take a degree in asking why.
Instead, feelings were never exchanged and ridiculous cover-up schemes were planned on my behalf so the guy I wanted to get with wouldn't know that I liked him.
I'll make that one clear shall I? Yes:

I liked a guy, but no way was I going to let him know. Ever.
WHERE'S THE SENSE IN THAT?

Fear of rejection is where the sense is. But this needs to end or else the same thing is likely to happen again and again and AGAIN until I am an old lady nursing eighty-five cats and oodles of mental health medication to boot.

I'm actually serious - the realization hit me like a big fat garamut slit-gong some time this afternoon as I was walking through Lagan Meadows, dying in the heat:

I HAVE NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND. I AM NEARLY TWENTY.
WHY, do I never say yes when I am asked out, & WHY, do I never let anyone know that I like them?

Something needs to be sorted regarding the way I'm going about all this stuff because it seems to me that this trait I have is not proving very useful.
But HALT... one second... do I actually WANT a 'relationship'?
Oh goodness: I don't know.

But life will go on and tomorrow I will be back to normal, doing normal things like eating without a plate and thinking normal thoughts like 'imagine if that plane suddenly falls out of the sky - I hope Christie's not in it just in case'.

Well... I shouldn't set deadlines but I am momentously concerned that if I haven't met anyone by the age of 25 then I'm just going to start hopelessly rolling around on the ground, a failure to society.

Don't be so silly, girl! Get your act together right? Maybe take a leaf out of the book of those friends of yours that you think are so 'big-headed' - they have clearly got the knack, guys are flocking around their holy wrath, and it's not even about looks here.

It's not that much about looks, grr... please take note, Katie's ego!

lolz u silly over-sensitive little dexterous onion, u!

Nearly out of suncream.

Thank Dog. That Banana Boat Baby Block Factor 50 has been making my face look like a week old chip pan. Or a fried egg with no yolk but with extra watered-down ketchup to compensate.
I digress!
But, I am ever so pleased that the suncream has nearly come to the end of the tube, ironically on the first day when I might have actually needed to use it for about an hour. Sometimes I think I might as well just go out and frazzle like a fat old football fan.
I'm sure there are worse things than having dodgy skin, even if we are close to 'Teenage Years Effectively Ruined' stage. Welcome to ten more years of raging adult acne? Don't even think about it, Mr DNA.
But anyway, if anyone can inform me of anything that is factor 20 or above that won't make me want to cut my own head off with a bread knife then let me know. Otherwise I'm just going for Uvistat which always WAS a winner... don't know why I don't just stick to trusty things that actually WORK.

The good news: Ethno exam is over. I am glad about this, but as usual I am more concerned about the ol' suncream issue.

Anything else?

Well, I'm currently listening to some really chavvy music on Lastfm, & I am enjoying it. It reminds me of being in one of those gyms where there are no mirrors and you just ran for 5 minutes and you think you're a rake because there are no mirrors and you just ran for 5 minutes. 'Love inc. - You're a superstar'.

The blessing of the day is that I finally threw the rest of those seafood sticks (cheap fifty pence initiation of a 'crab stick') in to thee TRASH CAN. However, some cretin has used my cheese spread, inserting some unidentifiable red substance which resulted in grand mould growth... So that went in the bin too.

I bought loads of Muller yogurts, ate loads of Shreddies, vacuumed up a spider... you know, another one of those days in my life which was a day further away from the day I was born and a day closer to the day when I pack it in. Ho ho ho.
Felt pretty bad about the spider though... think the whole of Elms heard me scream in terror.

Yeah, so... that's it really. Merry Christmas babe x

(Just thought I'd send my boyfriend seasonal wishes five years in advance - love ya baby lolz. LOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING YOU. I HOPE YOU'RE NOT A WANKER... actually I sincerely hope you're not a banker either, considering The Millionaire & The Murder Mansion I watched last night on 4od. SICK.)

This guy farted.

Today I was sitting in my room and this guy was stood outside my room and he was smoking a fag and he farted.

Ode to Gina

This blog was inspired by a lovely girl named Gina McCune. I'm not entirely sure if there is a space between 'Mc' and 'Cune' but I'm sure Gina won't mind. You should view her blog on http://ginamccune.blogspot.com. She is a very talented writer, and her blog covers many marvellous matters.
I, on the other hand, have some rather contrasting... 'unintentional intentions'. I have no honest idea as to why I'm writing a blog.
Well, that's enough for today. Time for some more muesli.